You. Yeah YOU.
I still think about you a lot.. Not everyday like I used to. I don’t worry or stress about you or who you’re with or what you’re doing or if you’re okay or not. But I do still care about those things. I think I always will.. That’s inevitable with your first love I think. Isn’t it?
I can still remember the smell of your skin. And I can still close my eyes and feel you against me; the way my body curved to fit inside yours perfectly when we hugged or cuddled. Fitting together like little stacked ‘somethings’. I still have occasional dreams about you. And I occasionally find myself missing you. (A lot). The way you laugh is eternally embedded in my memory and the way your lip cocked up at the edge slightly whenever you felt smug. I still sometimes crave you deeply, all of your being. I crave you on me, but more so just your presence. The way you made me feel comfortable even though you always felt awkward. And you made me happier than anything else. You made me happy, period. And at the time I didn’t even think that was possible. You made me FEEL, which i’m eternally grateful for.
I remember the way you touched your lip all the time, and I always wished my lips could be your fingertips; to caress that kissable surface with my own.
I wished you had hugged me in public more, so I didn’t feel like an embarrasment to you. But it did make the intimate moments more meaningful i guess. I wish i had have been stronger - not taken so much to heart. Not annoyed you so much. Not have been so clingy, obsessive or needy. Not have loved you more than you liked me.
I still wonder how you are. And I would still be curious to know if you’re with someone else. And would be slightly annoyed, hurt, jealous or a mixture of the three if you WERE with another girl. And not because I want you for myself anymore, but simply because i know how lucky she would be..
i don’t know if I ever told you I loved you. But I did. And I still love you.
But i’m no longer IN love with you.